teeth

Have you heard of this film? Well, if you haven’t, just know that it’s pretty fucked up.

See, the main character, Jess Weixler, has a little thing called vagina dentata or, in lay terms, teeth in her cooch. For example, her overbearing older brother tried to molest her when they were five. And her vagina bit his finger.

And the funniest thing is that she thinks that every girl has teeth in her nethers because the state board mandated that stickers be put over the female anatomy in the science book. So her older brother doesn’t even know, presumably, that only his step-sister has teeth in her vajayjay and, as a result, will only have sex with his girlfriend through the backdoor.

So she gets the sticker off the page, as if she doesn’t have the internet, and finds out that vaginas aren’t supposed to have teeth. And then she goes on the internet and finds out that this whole thing is supposed to just be a myth.

Oh, and by the way, she doesn’t find this out until she bites off this guy’s dick when he tries to force himself on her…. and they show the dismembered member sitting there afterwards…

This movie toes the line of bad and good and great. It has all three elements–the acting can be bad and good, but the squeams and scares are great especially to males because no guy wants this to happen.

But the movie kept growing on me until I couldn’t get enough. The dick eating scenes were gory and horrific in all the best ways–there’s tons of blood squirting from dick stumps and enough of a resolution within herself to denote that this movie wasn’t actually horror but a coming-of-age tale and being okay with your body. This point is especially evident in the last look she gives in the film.

I suppose that’s the most surprising thing about this film. It’s denoted as a Dimension zXTREME because it has elements of a horror film–as stated about the penis stumps–but, at the heart, this film is about a girl’s transformation into a woman and her realization that she can control men through this deformity because she can seduce whoever she wants and then rip their dick off.

Which, I think, would be a beneficial genetic mutation for all women to have given that it’s much more effective against rape than a can of mace. I mean, if guys knew that a woman could, at any moment, tear his penis off with nothing but her vagina, they’d probably think try about committing sexual crimes like rape or molestation. Imagine that–a guy who committed such a thing would either have no dick, no tongue, or no fingers. It’s a scary thought and I think natural selection should look into it.

EDIT: After looking up Vagina Dentata on wikipedia, it turns out someone already came up with the idea. to use the whole teeth thing.

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