Bad Boys

Okay, so over the hiatus I accidentally fell in love with Michael Bay.

His movies are definitely not high art. I know that. But dammit if they aren’t some crazy-fun shit.

My roommate and I conceded that they’re like the cocaine of cinema. “It turns all your bad feelings into good feelings!”

And, like, Dewey Cox, I think I want a part of this shit.

It started when I passed by Transformers on HBO about three weeks ago. And I couldn’t stop watching it.

That movie is just pure ridiculous. From the awkward sound of the tires screeching to the pseudo-sympathetic story about the humans.

And, after that, I wound up finding Bad Boys for five bucks at Safeway.

First, I forgot how fucking funny this movie is. Not just the Martin Lawrence dialog, but the entire movie. It’s just so ridiculous.

I can imagine that Michael Bay watched some of those crazy action movies from the 80’s like Die Hard or RoboCop or any Arnold Schwarznegger film and then said, “I can do it better.”

All the conventions are the same–stilted dialog, sequences of random shit blowing up, all of it is the same. But bigger. And more stilted.

Lines like “Excuse me, we’d like to borrow some brown sugar!” or “You drive slow enough to Drive Miss Daisy”

The movie is overblown and completely stupid, but that’s the reason that it’s such a fun film. It’s one of those movies to put on when you don’t feel like watching something serious or contemplative or ironic. You put Bay’s films on when you want to forget about life for a little while while things get blown up.

And Bad Boys definitely accomplishes this.

This review sucks. I know. I’m still trying to get back into the groove of this, because, now, I’m having to write for a publication, and I’m trying to not shackle myself into that because all my writing over there feels kind of stilted and kind of dumb.

It’s whatever.

Please vote this November.

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